Joel Spitzers guide to quitting smoking

My husband has tried a million methods of quitting smoking from Allen Carr to nicotine patches to cold turkey to no avail! This is the latest method which so far has been successful so I wanted to share this on my blog. Any method is worth a try so if you too have tried and failed, here's something else you may like to try. Good luck!!

Joel Spitzers guide to quitting smoking

3 excellent videos by Phillip Day - not to be missed

Simple Changes by credencegroup


Cancer: Why We're Still Dying to Know the Truth by credencegroup


Affairs of the Heart by credencegroup

30 day clear skin programme

If you are suffering from any sort of skin problem or know somebody that does, try this 30 day programme, a step to step guide, with heaps of advice on how to improve your skin in just 30 days. This link might take a short while to load but it really is packed with information for your 30 Day Clear Skin Programme

Cane your sugar addiction

I spent a really interesting day on Saturday at a seminar in Winchester titled ‘Cane your sugar addiction'. 

Most people are aware of the damage that sugar causes but it certainly was an extremely informative day and has made me even more focused to limit sugar in my diet as much as possible!  There is a website written by a lady called Nancy Appleton.  She lists 141 reasons why sugar is so detrimental to your health.  141 reasons sugar ruins your health

The two speakers on the seminar were a lady called Rian and another lady called Max Tucker.  They are both Hippocrates Health educators. Max is a raw vegan foodist and has been for over 20 years.  She is in peak condition and I must say rather extreme! 

Max spoke about how the consumption of sugar has risen so extensively over the years.    In 1700 it was estimated that the average consumption of sugar was 4 pounds per person per year. In 1800 it rose to 18 pounds, in 1900, 90 pounds and in 2009, which is the last time it was estimated, it has risen to a staggering 180 pounds.  Obviously with any statistic this is an average which means many people eat less than that but also that many people eat even more!!  She also mentioned that in 1890 3.4% of the population were obese, it is now 30%.  These are frightening statistics.

She also went on to explain how our bodies turn the food that we eat into energy.  Our bodies need glucose to produce energy but not all glucose that we ingest is created equal.  She talked about 'The Krebs Cycle' which is the key to turning food into energy.  The Kreb cycle was very complicating, BUT for the Kreb cycle to be able to function, the glucose that we eat needs to contain enzymes, water, vitamins, alkaline minerals and cofactors.  She compared a carrot and a doughnut.   The carrot contains all of the factors necessary to complete the Kreb Cycle and turn it into energy but the doughnut contains none of the factors necessary, hence no energy output.  By the way, all the glucose energy drinks that generate millions of pounds every year are a complete waste of money as the glucose contained in them is a bit like the doughnut!  


Food triggers the production and release of brain chemicals that control your mental and emotional responses.  Sugar exaggerates the production of serotonin, beta-endorphin and dopamine.  The overproduction results in a "high" followed by a crash, which sets up our craving for more sugar.  Your receptors also become less sensitive in order to protect against the overdosing of the 'drug'.  


A good analogy to this would be when you enter a noisy room.  When you first enter the room you notice the noise.  However, after being in the noisy room for a while, the noise becomes less noticeable.  Your ears become less sensitive to the noise.  In effect, your ears down regulate.  Also, just as one glass of wine at the beginning of your drinking days will make you feel quite drunk, after years of practice, you will need considerably more! Thus, if you are taking any sort of 'drug', in this case sugar, after a while, your body will become less sensitive to it's effects. This is why you require more and more (sugar, alcohol, heroin, refined carbohydrates etc) just to feel normal. This results in physical dependence on the drug to pick you up, but your 'habit' now results in depression instead of well-being and exhaustion and anxiety instead of an energy pick up. 

Rian talked a lot about the bacteria in our bodies and how the pathogenic bacteria, which are disease causing bacteria, thrive on sugar!   All candida sufferers will know about this.  She herself had suffered from candida.  She explained that it is extremely difficult to omit all sugar and yeast from our diets which is what is necessary to kill of candida.  When anti fungals are taken the active part of the yeast dies off and the spore is left in our bodies.  This lies dormant only to be reactivated once sugar is reintroduced to the diet.  What a complete nightmare this is for anyone who suffers from candida, of which, there are many. She also added how cancer feeds on sugar. 


She talked about a product called MMS, miracle mineral solution.  She takes this and gives it to her patients who come on the retreat.  It is a compound made up of citric acid which is a weak acid found in high concentrations in lemons and limes, and sodium chloride which is commonly known as salt.  When mixed together this forms chlorine dioxide.  When ingested in small amounts, it kills of any bacteria, viruses and parasites in the body.  She spoke about how she eliminated a parasite when she first started taking it and how she and many others have had great success with it.  I am merely passing this information on as I believe in the Chinese Proverb:

There are many websites out there and I enjoyed reading No Miracle, Just Wonderful Chemistry.  Obviously there are lots of websites out there condemning it but as with all information, we are free to make our own minds up.  At first I couldn't get my head round the chemistry of it as it smells of chlorine which immediately makes you think it must be slightly dangerous! I then understood that there is a big difference between chlorine and chlorine dioxide.  Just as there is a huge difference between the explosive gas hydrogen but when it is mixed with oxygen becomes harmless water, H2O.  I found this explanation an easy way to understand how MMS works.   

There are many YouTube videos but here are a couple that I found very interesting.  There are 6 parts to Dr Humiston's videos, I recommend you watch them all if this is of interest to you.


A conscientious Doctor comments on MMS
Part I - Interview with Dr John Humiston
Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6


How to take MMS

place to buy MMS from

Another interesting website with lots of information about killing mycoplasma.

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a Dr of Medicine and I cannot give advice on what you should do to fight a mycoplasma infection or virus.  The above is simply information that I have learnt and would like to pass on.  I do encourage everyone to educate themselves to be active and in control of their own medical/health choices.

A day at home with Jason Vale - The Juicemaster!

I spent a fantastic day on Saturday with Jason Vale, who is a very interesting and funny guy.  He has more energy than I have seen in someone in a long time.  He is literally buzzing his way through life on juice although he obviously eats healthily as well! He is very enthusiastic about the power that juicing has on health and has thousands of testimonials to back this up.

Jason believes in 'One Disease - One Solution'.  He believes that disease is either caused by 'Toxicity and/or Deficiency'.  If you remove the incoming toxicity (ie junk food, processed food, cigarettes, alcohol, chemicals, refined fats/sugars) and replace any nutrient deficiences, then the vast majority of diseases will improve.

He runs retreats in Turkey and will be opening a new one in Portugal very soon.  His website is jammed full of information about juicing with tons of recipes.  I have read lots of his books and the 'lose 7 lb in 7 days' does work if that is what you are looking for.  Not only that, it really does kick start you into the world of juicing.

I bought my juicer about 3 years ago after getting completely motivated by his books and watching him on various You Tube videos.  Now I have been to one of his events, my juicer is definately here to stay!

He does a very good analogy about a fish in a bowl.  All very simple, but the bottom line is -  if we bombard our bodies every day with rubbish such as coffee, fizzy drinks, junk food, cigarettes, alcohol etc, then throw in a few paracetamols and Rennies for good measure, the water in the bowl ends up thick, disgusting, clogged up and dirty.  This relates to the fluid surrounding our cells.  Now, do we treat the fish or clean the water?  Obviously clean the water!  What do many of us do though, yes, treat the fish!

I found this You Tube clip that explains exactly this - treat the cause not the symptoms.




We live in a quick fix society where we like to take pills to rid our bodies as quick as possible from ailments.  We do not give a second thought to what we are actually putting into our bodies that have polluted the water and made us sick in the first place.  So, by flushing the body with freshly extracted fruits and vegetable juices that are packed with vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, enzymes and more, your health balance will be restored and you will be on the journey to achieve optimum health and vibrancy.

Happy juicing with Jason Vale - The Juicemaster!!

Dr Whiting's Videos

I came across this American website when I was searching information on the net on various different subjects.  I think his videos are really informative so I wanted to put these on my blog for you to look at. He does go on a bit but you can fast forward it if it gets too much!  I imagine if it is a topic close to your heart then you will endure his american style! Click on the link below and just scroll down about half way and you will find a list of videos on the left hand side of the page.

USEFUL VIDEOS ON A VARIETY OF HEALTH ISSUES

" Dr. Whiting is an Orthomolecular Nutritionist. His degrees include a Masters in Psychology as well as a Doctorate in Biochemistry earned at International Universities.

Three decades of personal, practical experience in the field of human nutrition have earned him an international reputation, not only in the understanding of the human body and the profound effect that nutrition plays in protecting and preserving the body, but also in outstanding results that he has consistently achieved while working with clients on a global scale.

His commitment and dedication within the nutrition field has led him into extensive research into such chronic conditions as Heart Disease, Arthritis, Diabetes, Osteoporosis and Prostrate problems, to name but a few.  The result of this research has been pivotal in the development of nutritional protocols for the prevention, management and reversal of these conditions.

Studies he has conducted have led to a totally new system of weight management, based on‘Body Typing' , wherein How a persons body handles food, is evaluated Before they are put on a weight management program that's customized for them.

More recently, he has focused his attention on the human immune system.  His subsequent research into deep viral infections has led to the use of oxygen therapy as well as other potent, all-natural immune boosters for the management of immune-compromised conditions.

Further, his work with AIDS and Cancer patients, using meditation, biofeedback and visualization has received worldwide attention. "

Boost your immune system to stay fit and healthy through the winter

10 Natural Cures for when You're Feeling Ill

Taking a daily multivitamin is a quick and easy way to give your immune system a little boost.  Multivitamins contain a daily dosage of nearly every vitamin and mineral the body relies on to function healthily.  Taking one pill daily is much easier than trying to make sure you have enough vitamin B, folic acid, zinc and everything in between incorporated into your daily diet. A good one is Solgar VM-75 extra strength multi vitamin.  £21.92 for 90 tablets, free delivery

Also, the herb echinacea is a fantastic product to boost your immune system during the winter months.  Once again, always buy a quality product, such as Biocare Echinacea Complex - £14.15 with free delivery.  


There are many different vitamins and minerals in the high street and on online shops, but the most important thing to remember is quality.  Generally speaking the supermarkets and other high street retailers own brands are of medium quality and yet some of the budget brands, are exactly that.  If a pot of Vitamin C is only 99p, then there's a reason why!  The brands recommended are from reputable companies and are of excellent quality. 

When the seasons become colder we often succumb to nasty viruses that can lay us low when we need it least. Many foods, herbs and spices have restorative ingredients that can help you keep those runny noses, aches and pains at bay.

1) Eat Garlic Every Day

Garlic is natures antibiotic. It is at its most powerful when raw, but is still effective when cooked. The stronger the smell, the more powerful it is. Add to stir fries, soups or stews. For those wanting the raw power, add to chickpeas to make hummus, mix with tomatoes for salsa or avocado to make guacamole.

2) Fresh lemon or lime

Citrus fruit has lots of vitamin C but it gets killed by heat, so squeeze lemon or lime juice instead of balsamic on salads, fish or chicken. Add a slice of lemon to hot, not boiling water, for a refreshing, but warming drink. Add fresh lime to vodka and soda for the most ‘healthy’ drink!

3) Avoid sugar

Sugar increases blood sugar levels and leaves your immune system more susceptible to disease. It feeds the bad bacteria that you want to keep at bay in your gut. Sweeten foods with apple or pear, add cinnamon or nutmeg to desserts or porridge which tricks your brain into thinking that it has eaten something sweet.

4) Protect your throat with ginger

Ginger contains compounds that protect against and help to alleviate sore throats. Grate ginger into hot water, or simmer in water to give a warming and beneficial drink that will kill bacteria. Add some lemon or fresh garlic if you’re feeling really under the weather.

5) Avoid dairy

Dairy is mucous-forming and encourages bacteria to proliferate in the body. Add olive oil to vegetables rather than butter.

6) Regular Exercise

Daily exercise supports the immune system and encourages the body to expel toxins. Walking at pace for 20 mins a day, is a great way to incorporate exercise into your busy schedule.  Walking is a great way to keep yourself naturally warm on cold days too.

7) Eat seasonally

Nature has a clever way of producing the foods that have the nutrients we need to fight the viruses and bacteria that are thrown up during the seasons. Eating from our local environment means that we are building up a pool of vitamins and minerals that can be accessed by our immune systems when required.

8) Drink two litres of water per day

Water enables our bodies to function properly, when our body is dehydrated it has to work harder to do all of the essential functions it needs to do using up important nutrients that could be used elsewhere. Aim to drink a combination of herbal teas and water to get to this target. Filling a large water bottle up every day is a good way to measure how much you really drink. Flavour water with fresh citrus or cucumber to get used to the taste of water rather than squash or fruit juice that can often contain high levels of sugars or sweeteners.

9) Chew well

It is not just about what you eat, it is also about what you absorb. Chewing increases the surface area of food and enables the body to access vital nutrients easily. If we don’t chew well then the body may have problems breaking down food molecules, not only depriving you of those building blocks but also potentially causing issues such as bloating.

10) Take probiotics

Probiotics, good bacteria to you and me, populate the gut wall and act as the first line of immune defence. A lack of good bacteria can provide harmful viruses the gateway into your blood stream. They also produce energy-enhancing and stress reducing B vitamins as well as protecting your bowel with good stool formation which allows you to remove toxins from the body the natural way. Buy a good brand such as Udo Super 8.  See my blog on probiotics.  I take these twice a year to build up my immunity and keep the bad bacteria at bay!


Add to shopping list!


1. SWEET POTATO

The lining of your nose is your first defence against airborne bugs. Keep it healthy with a dose of vitamin A from this betacarotene-rich root vegetable.

2. BRAZIL NUTS

Boost your immune system's killer cells. These selenium-rich nuts enhance your white blood cells' ability to quash viruses.

3. PROBIOTIC YOGURT

Make friends with your gut by eating bacteria-loaded yogurt. The more friendly bacteria living in your system, the less room for the harmful sort.

4. KIWI FRUIT

The ultimate infection-fighting fruit, they're packed with vitamin C, which increases the levels of interferon, an antibody that protects cells against viruses.

5. OAT CAKES

Too little shut-eye makes you three times more likely to catch a cold. Snacking on tryptophan-rich oat cakes before bed will help you sleep.

6. PINEAPPLE

Feeling down? A low-mood can reduce immunity. This fruit's packed with an amino acid needs to make the happy hormone serotonin.

7. MACKEREL

Rich in omega-3s that help your white blood cells seek and destroy bacteria, and strengthen your body's main organ of defence - your skin.

8. GARLIC

This smelly herb keeps viruses and bacteria at bay. It's rich in sulphur-containing compounds that stimulate infection-fighting cells.

9. HUMMUS

Chickpeas are high in the essential amino acid lysine, which is vital after a gym session as it helps tissue repair as well as producing antibodies.

Happy songs to brighten your day!

Music releases endorphins - the body's feel good drug - and lifts the spirits! Turn up the volume!


(Unfortunately can't be viewed on iphone or ipad - can't figure out why?)

The Beauty Breakfast!

This breakfast has been traditionally used by those wanting to have a steady supply of energy in the morning, good digestion, regular elimination and beautiful skin.  It requires minimum preparation, which can be done before you go to bed at night so that it is ready to be eaten in the morning.

Before you go to bed, put some live natural yoghurt (contains friendly bacteria, lactobaccilus and bifobacterium which aid digestion), use goats or sheeps yoghurt if you are avoiding dairy, and mix with some orange or other fruit juice (freshly juiced by yourself, even better!) or even water to form a shake.  Throw in a handful of porridge oats, a couple of chopped prunes,  goji berries, (much nicer soaked anyway!) dates or apricots and sprinkle over Linwoods powdered seed mix.

This is great stuff and costs £4.99 from Sainsburys or Holland and Barrett. (costs £8.00 on their website!) The seeds have already been ground so they are much easier for the body to absorb. It is really delicious mixed in with yoghurt or sprinkled into soups or over porridge.  Babies and toddlers love it too mixed in with some natural yoghurt as the goji berries give it a delicious sweet taste. Even fresher and better would be to buy organic seeds of your choice and grind them as and when you need, using this great coffee and herb grinder from Argos.  It is always best to have ground seeds because whole seeds are not digested by the intestine and they just pass through. Therefore, it gives your body no nutritional benefits.

Leave oat mixture in fridge to ferment overnight, and eat in the morning on its own or with some fresh fruit or berries.  You could also take to work for a mid morning snack.  Great to get those bowels moving!  Also try a cereal called 'grapenuts', low in fat, high in fibre with no added sugar. It's in a much smaller box than normal cereals so I found it a job to find the first time I looked for it.  I know sainsburys sell it.  Not that exciting but tastier if you add it to the concoction above in the morning just before you eat it - it gives it a nice crunch!

The importance of colon health

Why we should be taking probiotics and/or digestive enzymes

Boost your immune system with good bacteria
There are countless supplements out there that claim they can help boost your immune system, but did you know that 80% of your immune system is actually found in your gastrointestinal (GI) tract?  This means that your gut is actually a major focal point when it comes to maintaining optimal health and strong immunity.

The major benefits of adding probiotic organisms to the diet: boosts immune system, inhibits disease causing organisms, improved digestion, vitamin synthesis, detoxification and protection from toxins, prevents diarrhea from various causes, reduced risk of irritable bowel syndromes, cancer-protective effects, increased nutrient absorption, improves resistance to allergies, reduces yeast and other infections.

If you have ever heard of probiotics but still don't really quite understand the importance of taking a good probiotic supplement during times of illness then Dr Lewis will explain everything you need to know.  I always find it easier to absorb information if I actually listen to someone alongside a visual description.  Personally, this seems to sink in much better than reading endless lists of information.  I hope after watching the video that you will have a better understanding of probiotics and the importance of maintaining the right balance between "friendly/good bacteria" and "bad bacteria" that reside in our intestinal tract and assist in the prevention of disease.

 A really good probiotic to buy that must be kept in the fridge, £17.95 with free postage and packaging (cheapest supplier that I have found!)

Also another great product to try if you find you are full of wind, gas, cramping and bloatedness are digestive enzymes.  These are all symptoms of food not being broken down properly in the digestive system.  One of the best products is Udos Choice Ultimate Digestive Enzyme Blend.  Enzymes and probiotics can be important aids to help you avoid the chaos of intestinal imbalance.  

Don't use the yogurt drinks like yakult as they are full of sugar and therefore counter productive!

Juice your way to better health!

Jason Vale got me interested in juicing about 3 years ago.  I think he is very inspirational and cannot fail to motivate you into the world of juicing.  The benefits are endless!  He is so passionate about juicing and this comes across in leaps and bounds in all his videos and books.  My family and I juice everyday now, including my 2 year old and it is such a great way to ensure that children get at least 5 a day!  There is no way my children would eat a plate full of spinach, broccoli and celery but juice it - and they love it!!  If you are wanting to try and get more healthy but keep failing I recommend getting a juicer for Christmas!  It is the only gadget that I have ever bought which hasn't ended up in the cupboard in the kitchen with all the other 5 minute wonder appliances! Every morning now, I make up 2 litre bottles, (saves washing up the juicer twice!) put it in a  Sigg flask which apparently keeps it fresher for longer, (bought mine really cheaply second hand on ebay) then I drink over the course of the day.

Jason Vale recommends the Phillips juicer.  I have this one and have also invested in a top of the range masticating juicer which is a lot more fuss but the quality of juice is much better.  It really depends how far you want to go with your new health regime.  I suggest that if you are a beginner and are just trying to get more healthy, to see if you are even going to like juicing and actually stick to it,  then this is definately the juicer to buy.  It is so easy to use, you can literally stuff whole apples, unpeeled pineapple, spinach, whole cucumbers in the top and in 2 seconds you have a juice!

You can buy this juicer that Jason recommends on Amazon for £66.00 or second hand for £49.99  This juicer sells on Jason's website for £79.99.   Read reviews before you buy!

See below for some inspirational videos from Jason advising you which juicer to buy and a couple of other ones just to get you in the mood for juicing!

Pass The Butter....Please!

Definately converted me to butter! 
        
Margarine  was originally manufactured to fatten  turkeys.  When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put  all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their  heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get  their money back.   
It was a white substance with no food appeal  so they added the yellow colouring and sold it to people to use in place of butter.  How do you like it?   They have come out  with some clever new flavourings....     

DO  YOU KNOW.. The difference between margarine and butter?    

Read on to the end...gets very interesting!     

Both  have the same amount of calories.  

Butter  is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8  grams; compared   to 5 grams for margarine.  

Eating margarine can increase  heart disease in women by  53%  over  eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent  Harvard  Medical Study.  

Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in  other foods.  

Butter  has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few and   only  because  they are added!  

Butter  tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavours of  other foods.  

Butter  has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years .  

And now, for Margarine..  

Very High in Trans fatty acids.  

Triples risk of coronary heart disease ...  

Increases  total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and  lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)  

Increases  the risk of cancers up to five times..  

Lowers  quality of breast milk.  

Decreases immune response.  

Decreases  insulin response.  

And  here's the most disturbing fact.... HERE IS THE PART THAT  IS  VERY INTERESTING!  

Margarine  is but ONE MOLECULE away  from being PLASTIC... and shares 27 ingredients withPAINT  

These facts alone were enough to have me avoiding margarine for life  and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is  added,  changing the molecular structure of the  substance).     

You  can try this yourself:  

Purchase  a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded  area.  Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things:  

*  no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it  (that should tell you something)  

*  it does not rot or smell differently because it has  no nutritional value ; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny  microorganisms will not a find a home to grow.  Why?   Because it is nearly plastic...  Would you melt your Tupperware and  spread that  on your toast?    

Chinese Proverb:  

When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it,  you have a  moral obligation to share it with  others.    

  

Article about Colonic Hydrotherapy from The Argus

Pain free way to clear out the system!

Good Sense Food Pyramid

Be Flattered is an extremely useful website with heaps of articles and advice about our health.  Have a look at the food pyramid to give you an idea of what is good and what is best kept for a treat!

Colonic Irrigation Experience!

Interpreted by a guy - Rest assured the sound effects displayed on the video after a colonic are not a normal occurrence!

Words By James Kendall from Source Magazine – January 2008

The concept You might recall last year’s Godfather-themed pilot episode of our new regular feature, SOURCE Virgins. But the inspiration for the series originally came from my musings on the subject of colonic irrigation. Since then, the anticipation (among other things) has been building solidly. The reasons Why haven’t I had a stranger stick a tube up my arse? I don’t think we really need to spend much time going through this one. It’s not the first thing you think of doing when you wake up in the morning: I know, I’ll get a colonic today. That said, straight men don’t half spend a lot of time talking about how disgusting something going the wrong direction up that one way street is – almost as much as they spend trying to persuade their girlfriends to try the ‘forbidden love’. The idea of getting a good pipe cleaning did appeal due to my farmer’s diet of meat and bread (topped with as many takeaways as I can sneak past my girlfriend). God only knows what’s festering in there. I guess I’m about to find out. Shudder. The experience Right up until the night before the treatment I was completely at ease with the whole idea. Then it suddenly hit me that I was going to share an intimate room and an even more intimate position with someone looking at my poo. What on earth was I thinking? Luckily, Lucy approached the whole thing with a medical air, talking through the science of the whole digestive system and how the colonic irrigation was going to help make the big ol’ tube work better. It was so interesting that when the moment came to “just take off your trousers, pants and shoes and pop onto the bench” I was actually pretty relaxed. As she left the room to protect my dignity, Lucy suggested I keep my socks on, which seemed strange considering how intimate she was about to get. When she returned, I lay on my side and she lifted the towel to expose my arse, before proceeding to push a finger into it. Admittedly she warned me, lubricated it well and didn’t go deep, but it’s quite an unusual thing to sign up for with someone you don’t know. But any woman who has had a smear test – or any man who has popped into the sexual health clinic and had an old doctor push a cotton bud down the hole in his penis – shouldn’t find it too upsetting. Lucy certainly wasn’t fazed by it in the slightest. Anyway, that was just foreplay for the main event: the tube. The first thing to note is that the pipe only goes in about an inch, so anyone scared of walking like John Wayne for the rest of the day has an overactive imagination. I must confess, I didn’t look at it first so I don’t know how wide it was. It wasn’t uncomfortable in itself, but there were 15 – 15! – litres of water to contend with before I could shuffle out of there. There were a couple of thermostats on the tank to make sure the water was the right temperature but I was hugely relieved when I felt a slightly cold sensation at my back passage – no one wants their arsehole burning on the inside. So, what did it feel like? It wasn’t easy to tell what was coming and going, but I think my bottom was filled with water, which was then filtered out. In the main it wasn’t in the least bit unpleasant. In base terms it felt like going for a poo in really slow motion – so slow that it lasted for an hour. As any man who likes to settle onto the loo with a good book will tell you, that’s no bad thing. It is a bit odd having to relax and just let things flow out but I tried to keep Lucy talking so I didn’t have to think about it too much. As a world-class music snob, the new age soundtrack kept my mind off the oddness. While part of me wanted to see what treasure was being dredged up from the deep, I’m not sure I could have coped with the shared experience. Luckily I had my back to the examination pipe. Occasionally I would get some feedback from Lucy. “Oh, it looks like we’ve hit some fermented gas that’s got stuck,” she said at one point. “It looks like the head of a pint of Guinness. Do you drink a lot of lager?” I hadn’t thought about gas getting trapped in my colon for weeks, months or years and gave thanks that it wouldn’t get dislodged naturally in a social situation. As interesting as the gas was, the most unusual items to escape my body were hard pellets that looked like green Maltesers. Now that I’d have like to have seen. And then it was over, bar a slightly undignified dash for the loo, clutching a towel. Lucy told me we’d made good progress and emptied out about two-fifths or five-and-a-half feet of colon, more than most. I was pathetically proud. Was it worth the wait? I’m not sure I could have handled the embarrassment a few years ago, so yes, I’m pleased I did it now, not when I was a shy 18-year-old. In the days following, I’m not sure exactly how different I feel. Most people feel lighter and a bit thinner on the tummy and I guess I can attest to that. Another session would have me properly emptied out, so perhaps that will feel different then – if I ever do wake up thinking, I know, I’ll get a colonic today.